We went out of town for a weekend, just to get away from everything for a short time.  Its interesting how differently Colby and I are dealing with this.  It was a good distraction for Colby, even though he thought of her all the time.  For me, I felt like I left my baby at home.  I could not have gotten home fast enough.  I take time everyday to sit in her room.  Elliston was cremated, and we have her ashes in a cute pink box in her room.  So I still feel like she is with me.  We haven’t touched a thing in her room….I just don’t feel like its necessary.  Its way too cute.  I have moments where I still feel like she will be here any day.  When I was pregnant I used to sit in there and think about what she would look like and picture me feeding her in the rocking chair.  So much anticipation.  Sometimes now its easy to still think those things and forget that they are never going to happen.  There are moments when I am out where I panic and think, “Oh my God, I left the baby at home!”  I feel like I go back ten steps every time I realize again and again….Elliston will never be with us.  As much as I wish this to go away, it just never will.  At first I couldn’t even imagine what a “good day” felt like.  Then I had one.  Now I am having multiple good days in a row.  I still miss her every second of every day….but I am still waking up and still breathing.  Showering every day is a different story, but I start work on Monday so I need to get out of this habit.