Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Yep, I'm still alive. Still breathing. Still processing. Still hurting. Still missing. Still loving. Still crying. Still anxious. Still scared. Still stressed. Still proud. Still.

If you remember, Colby and I had a miscarriage in September of 2011. We were 10 weeks along. An old acquaintance messaged me when we found out we were pregnant that time and shared that she was pregnant too. We were even due in the same week. We chatted back and forth for a few weeks, but when we miscarried, her and I lost touch. She went full term with that baby, but ended up losing him during delivery. The cause of his death was never discovered.  I was so devastated for her, but I had recently found out I was pregnant with Elliston, and out of fear....I never said anything to her. She has been a rock for me these past few months. Reaching out to me when I'm sure it wasn't easy. Listening to me go on and on, when I know she was still healing too and probably needed to talk herself. She has shown me Hope. And taught me that hope and joy and hurt and grief can coincide.  Seriously people, this girl is amazing.  Today, she is just about 37 weeks pregnant. Ready to have her rainbow baby.  I am still figuring out what I now think the purpose of prayer is.....but take 2 seconds and send up a prayer, a thought, a good vibe....whatever....for her peace.  She is already the mommy of one sweet little boy in heaven, but is so deserving to bring home this next little one. I can't even imagine the mix of emotions.